Living Loved with Jamie Martinez | Ep 27

 
Jemese LaChel:
 0:26 Welcome to a new creation podcast where we are pointing women towards victory in Christ, one Jesus story at a time. My name is Jimmy Slashel. I’m your host. Let’s dive right in. Feels like I’m meeting one of my social media friends for the first time. The internet is just so cool just being able to do this. But I wanna introduce Jamie. I just so highly respected Jamie’s work and what she’s doing, and it’s such an honor to have you here with us today, jamie. 
Jamie Martinez:
 1:03Oh, it’s such an honor to be here. I am so excited. 
Jemese LaChel:
 1:06I could blabber on about you know what I know of you, but tell us a little bit about who you are, your work and I know you have a podcast. We’ll share all of that juicy stuff at the end of this episode, but tell us a little bit about Jamie. 
Jamie Martinez:
 1:22Yeah, so I’m Jamie Martinez. I’m a biblical counselor and the host of Living Love, the podcast where we talk about how to walk in your God-given identity, and that’s the focus of the biblical counseling sessions. And I work with kiddos ranging from age seven and I have up to 40, you know. So I see a lot of broad range, but I love what I do because I get to see God transform hearts, even through listening on a computer or on a phone, like I get to see God transform hearts, and it’s just I love it. I love it so much. 
Jemese LaChel:
 2:03Yeah, and if I’m wrong, mistaken isn’t this? Wasn’t this a career change for you? Weren’t you doing something else before Got called you to biblical counseling? 
Jamie Martinez:
 2:14Yes, I was actually a special education teacher. 
Jemese LaChel:
 2:17And yes, that’s what I thought. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 
Jamie Martinez:
 2:19I adored those students so much Like those kids were my babies and I would always call them my babies. Yeah, but when God calls I gotta be obedient. And man, I’m so glad that I was. 
Jemese LaChel:
 2:37Praise God. Yeah, this is awesome. I’m so excited. I wanna jump right into your testimony, but before we do that, let’s pray over our listener today. 
Jamie Martinez:
 2:53So, god, we come to you and just so thankful, lord, that you are who you say you are, and God, that you’re going to be who you say you are. And, lord, we pray for the listener right now, lord, the person listening that’s under the sound of our voices. Father, I just pray that there’s freedom and, god, anything that’s holding them back from experiencing true freedom in you. Lord, I break that off. In the name of Jesus, I pray for depression to be released, suicidal thoughts to be released, lord, anything that is within the testimony that you guided me through, lord, would that be their story? God, would my testimony be their prophecy? And, father, I just I thank you so much for the bold heart that’s listening to this podcast. God, I pray that these words be your words, the story be your story, and it’s only for your glory. Lord, we do this through you, to you and for you. Lord, we love you In Jesus’ mighty name, amen. 
Jemese LaChel:
 3:56Amen, amen. So I like to start off with this question what is your Jesus story? Tell us how you came to know Him. 
Jamie Martinez:
 4:09All right, yeah, this is buckle up, that’s for sure. You gotta put on the roller coaster, where you put the things over your head too. This is a full blown. You’re going into flips and all this thing. It’s gonna be fun. No, god changed me completely. I am completely different from who I was 10 years ago. I, growing up, I was always the overachiever, I was always the one achieving, and perfectionism, I guess you could even say, and Jamie and the word drugs never belonged in the same sentence. Until senior year of high school, I started hanging out with the wrong crowd and these were kids that I knew that I shouldn’t have been hanging out with, but I always felt alone. So I was like, oh okay, well, I guess I’ll hang out with them. And they led me into drinking excessively multiple times a week to where I was black and out I didn’t remember it multiple times a week and vomiting from alcohol multiple times a week, and started smoking marijuana, just to numb out, because I didn’t know that I had this deep hurt within me and felt overlooked and not accepted. So I would do it to numb out. And eventually, within that group, I was introduced to a man that ended up sexually abusing me sexually assaulting me, and I blamed myself for it. I thought, you know, this is, if I just didn’t allow that to happen, maybe he wouldn’t have. If I just didn’t step foot in that place, maybe he wouldn’t have. I blamed myself so much. And then I spiraled downwards, spiraled. I turned to sexual promiscuity. I turned to excessive drinking, more times a week than not by myself. I wasn’t even around people. Most of the time I was by myself and just a deep, dark depression, so much that my brain kind of shut it out. And I remember one night I was living by myself, which I definitely shouldn’t have, that’s for sure. I was severely depressed, suicidal. I definitely shouldn’t have lived by myself, but I was laying there in bed and I was just so drunk that I didn’t know where I was. I was just kind of laying there and I started hallucinating. That hallucination, which I now know was a demon, guaranteed 100%. That was a demon that I was looking at and I stared at it and I remember, so sober I thought I’ve gone crazy, I’m man, I’ve gone off the deep end because it’s just sitting there and man, it is this creepiest, scariest, most evil thing I’ve ever seen. Just stare back at me with a smile and after staring at it for what seemed like hours, it told me how to kill myself. So finally, after hearing it over and over, and over and over and over tell me how to, I screamed. I was like fine, I’ll do it. And the voice stopped. So I went and I attempted. I was like should not be alive today at all. No way I should be alive right now. But by the grace of God, I woke up the next morning and I was so defeated. I was like man, I can’t even kill myself, right. And I know that when I was kind of drifting off I was thinking, man, I didn’t even get to meet my future kids, I didn’t even get to and I didn’t get to see that relationship improve. I just all the regret and all the it just flooded my head and I remember trying to cling on like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die. Woke up the next morning totally flipped, like man, I can’t even kill myself, right. So I left that apartment. I moved back in with my parents because I was terrified. I still saw that hallucination whenever I closed my eyes and let me tell you, I sat in my bed for three days straight and y’all are gonna think I’m crazy, but let this show how much God can transform you. I sat there pulling out my eyelashes so that I wouldn’t fall asleep because that’s how terrified I was of this thing. I was insane and I said you know what, fine, I’ll fill up my time doing things, because maybe that’ll distract me, because sitting here is not working. So I was like, okay, I’ll go fill my time with that church that my sister-in-law told me about, because, okay, I’ll try to be a better person. I went to the church and I just heard, as I was going in, all the voices in my head saying that person hates you, that person doesn’t want you here, that person wants to kill you. I just heard it swirling, paranoid, and I walk in and I sit down. I’m trembling from these voices telling me like, nope, I gotta push through, I gotta push through. And I almost got up and left, but I didn’t. And in the message I don’t remember what the message was about. To be honest, I was just sitting there. I don’t remember what it was about. But the pastor, who actually recently married me and my husband, he stopped and he turned in a room full of a thousand people and he pointed at me and he said God loves you so much. He hears your cries, he sees your pain. I lost it crying. I was like what? So wait? The creator of everything hears me. No one else heard me, no one answered my calls when I was gonna kill myself. No one else heard me, and the creator does. And he started crying, weeping, and he said there’s a purpose for your heartbeat and a reason for your pain. That day and I have a heartbeat tattooed over the scar from where I attempted, and that day I gave my life to Jesus. Oh, praise God that it didn’t stop the hallucinations. The hallucinations got worse actually, which obviously demonic attack. But a few days later I was like, okay, I’ll go to this student night and they were talking about spiritual warfare. And I went and I sat there and it’s like he read my mail, it’s like he went into my brain. He was like hey, if you’re struggling with hallucinations, thoughts of suicide, addiction, if you’re struggling with all of this, come down to the altar right now and get prayer. I got up then even all’s getting up and I walked up there. I was running and my ears were just clouded with what felt like static. I couldn’t hear anything. I heard no, no, no, don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it. And I ran up there and I just lifted my hands. There’s actually a picture of it. I lifted my hands and one of the women on the worship team who’s now one of my close friends she came, put her hand on my head, started praying very intensely and people just flooded and just started praying. It lifted completely. Oh, praise God. And since that day, not another hallucination, not another suicide attempt. Drop alcohol and I’m completely free. Come on, god is so good. 
Jemese LaChel:
 12:30Yes, oh, I feel the presence of God. Yes, and how old were you at that time? 
Jamie Martinez:
 12:39Oh, it was from 18 to 19. Okay, just one year. Wow, it was the worst year, but also the best year. 
Jemese LaChel:
 12:50Right Praise God, wow, wow, jamie. 
Jamie Martinez:
 12:57It’s powerful, isn’t it? Yes? 
Jemese LaChel:
 12:58it is that is so powerful? And I wonder I mean, rick is going. Rick is flowing in this conversation. I wasn’t planning on talking about this, but I wonder what do you think about? Do it? What do you think about people who doubt if deliverance is for today? It is hard to hear a story like yours and then also believe that deliverance is something to. There’s just a lot of fear around that. Oh yeah, what do you? 
Jamie Martinez:
 13:32think about that. I think there’s fear because Hollywood portrays it as they’re gonna flop on the floor and start foaming at the mouth, you know, and that’s not what it is. I mean, sure it could be over there you know, but what it is is like surrendering. What it is is like obviously there was significant demonic influence significant and it came through different channels. I know exactly how it came into my life. I know exactly how it did. But if deliverance wasn’t for now, then you would see so many people out there after leaving a church service that didn’t experience anything, that were still bogged down in addiction, that were still suicidal. You know, you would see so much more of that Deliverance. There’s such a misunderstanding of what it is and it might be you cry, it might be you cough. You know it looks different, but the deliverance is releasing the attachment that anything demonic has a hold on. But it’s not scary what everyone thinks it is. I cried, I sobbed my eyes out, but I remember it so clearly. So it’s freeing, it’s not scary. 
Jemese LaChel:
 14:56That’s right. It’s freedom and, honestly, deliverance is Jesus. It’s an encounter with Jesus and he may just lift it. He may lift it with not a single person around, because we need Jesus. It’s Jesus who delivers, right. He will work through people, but he can do it right there in your room by yourself. Or he may say I need you to go to this church, to this group of people, and you find it there, and so it sounds like you didn’t even really you weren’t expecting that. 
Jamie Martinez:
 15:31No, not at all. I was going into it like maybe I’ll be a better person, but I left because my heart was slightly open to something. God showed up and he showed me. Yeah, yeah, he showed me that he was real and he showed me like, hey, watch me, watch me work in your life. See, you can trust me. I know you can’t trust anybody else in your life right now, but you can trust me. So when God shows up, man, it could be in the shower, you know it could be anywhere, but when God shows up, it’s transforming. 
Jemese LaChel:
 16:11That’s right, and so it’s been just deepening with him and adjourning with him since then, I mean like you are doing now. I imagine you couldn’t have possibly guessed when you were 18, 19, that today that you would be using your life to help other people out of kind of the same torment and things that you went through. 
Jamie Martinez:
 16:39Yeah, not at all. If you asked me, I would be acting and singing and I was gonna be a music teacher, and it was just that. No, I’m so glad I’m not, but I would have never guessed in a million years that I would have been a pastor and a biblical counselor. Now, like never, never guessed that. 
Jemese LaChel:
 17:03Yeah, that’s incredible. And you, I was thinking just getting ready for this episode. I was just thinking of all the celebrations and things that I’ve just seen you sharing on social media your wedding, becoming a worship pastor. I mean, come on, yeah, and God has utilized all of that. That’s amazing. 
Jamie Martinez:
 17:28Yeah, god’s man, god’s. Even when I don’t feel like he’ll use me, he uses me, and it’s amazing yeah. 
Jemese LaChel:
 17:36So I don’t know, I just I wonder what you would tell someone who is kind of in that place of maybe doubt which I know you remember because you’ve been there before just that place of I don’t know how to get out of this. I don’t even know the first step to take, like what do you tell someone who’s in a place like that? 
Jamie Martinez:
 18:05That doubt is there for a reason. But if you’re like man, I don’t even know where to start. Start with simply saying God, help me, I need help. Start with God and reaching out to God and saying, lord, I need you. But even before that, maybe, if you’re like you know, I don’t even know how. What do I say? How do I do it? You know, get yourself around people that are God loving people. Get yourself going to church when you don’t feel like you want to, because there’s opposition that you’re gonna experience when you feel like you don’t want to. But it starts with prioritizing Jesus, prioritizing God. And if you’re on the fence like, oh, is this God guy real? I don’t even know. If he wasn’t, I’d be dead. Come on, so he’s real. I can promise you 100% he’s real and it’s just it’s time. It’s time to surrender, it’s time to say God, I need you and I need your help. It needs your help. 
Jemese LaChel:
 19:15God, I need your help. Yeah, and it’s time to stop running. I think sometimes we don’t even recognize that we are in that like process of, like you’re just running from God, you know, seeking out the next substance you can use or the next relationship, or you know, like even even these quote unquote good things, like career, like sure, these are all things that we use sometimes to try to run away from the pain, but I know you’ve seen it in your work it’s like we just can’t do that. It doesn’t work that way. You have to surrender that stuff to him. 
Jamie Martinez:
 19:53Yeah, it never works, never works out. You can try, but there’s a specific God shaped hole in your heart that no substance, no, no sexual act, nothing can fill it. Even if you try, it’s not going to happen. Not even going to try to scratch the surface of what God can do to fill it. 
Jemese LaChel:
 20:13Yeah, that’s right. So I know a lot of my listeners have a background or history of like sexual trauma and I’m wondering how did the Lord take you through that healing process? 
Jamie Martinez:
 20:27Oh man, let me tell you it’s an everyday decision to forgive. It’s sometimes it’s easier than others, but it started with anger. I was beyond angry that it happened. I was beyond angry that I let it happen and then I shoved it under the rug until I kept tripping over it and I realized, man, this is not, this is something that’s huge. I can’t get over this alone. I went to my pastor at the time. Him and his wife are awesome people. I went to them and they walked me through a. I don’t know if it was like a deliverance thing, but it was more of like a let’s talk about the timeline, let’s get it out. They were very, very good about getting it out. So that way it’s exposed, and I know therapy modes will tell us to not talk about the trauma that we went through, which obviously we want to prevent re-traumatization, you know. But when you get to that point where you’re like I don’t know what to do, when you expose it, get it out there, it loses its power, that’s right. So you get it out there, you expose it, it loses its power. However, it still comes up. Why? Because the enemy likes to remind you of what happened. The enemy likes to remind you of one of your darkest days, to prevent you from running after God. And that’s where you take your thoughts captive. You say no, in the name of Jesus. No, I’m choosing to focus on the Lord, I’m not choosing to focus back there. It’s hard, but forgiveness. I know. You hear that, trust me, I was there. You hear like I just need to forgive. No, I’m clicking off, I’m done. Forgiving doesn’t let them off the hook. Okay, they did what they did. Forgiveness is like a double-sided fishing hook You’re on one side, the person who hurts you is on the other, and the more they weigh down, the more it just digs into you and causes you pain. What forgiveness is is it lets you off the hook. So that way, okay, I’m tired of feeling this pain and that person still did what they did. But it allows you to remove yourself from it and say, okay, yes, that happened. I need to regain control. I need to regain control of my body. I need to regain control because I can’t just give God leftovers. So it’s a hard process and there’s no one answer. But you need that person that you can divulge everything with and just say, hey, here’s my, here’s my door. Obviously, maybe a trained Christian counselor would be great. But, getting to a trained Christian trauma counselor that can walk you through it and walk you through forgiveness, and leaving in the past and remembering when it comes up throughout your day. Nope, I’m remembering it forgiven. I’m remembering that it’s just. It’s in my past. It hurt me, but look what God used it for. 
Jemese LaChel:
 23:53God will use it for good, I promise you yes he will, yeah, he will, and I’ve seen it again and again and again and he, he uses it in the most surprising ways. I found like, oh, I was just at the, actually went to the dollar store last night and randomly ran into this lady who was like she saw something that I said on Facebook because I’m very transparent about my experiences, because I know that God uses it Right. Yeah, she just shared how it blessed her and you know, it’s just incredible. You know somebody just in my community who happened to see a random post. You know the way that God wants to use the pain. It’s, it’s, it’s almost like it takes the sting away that the enemy is trying to hold over your head oh yeah, god will eliminate that completely. And now that shame is just gone, you know, oh yeah. 
Jamie Martinez:
 24:55And I would tell people like I don’t know some, some friends that I developed or or close people, you know, I would give them bits and pieces of it and I’d be trembling, I’d be shaking, you know. I’m like, ok, no, I’m gonna stop there. I’m gonna stop there. But I met my husband and he was actually my best friend for like six years now and when I told him and just said this is what I’ve gone through, this is why you might see some reactions from me. That seemed kind of outlandish, but this is why you might see that. And he was like, wow, I’m, I’m so sorry that happened to you. I was trembling. But then he just hugged me and just sat there and and and hugged me and when I realized like, ok, wow, he’s not judging me, this is great. And then when I went and told someone in a parking lot of the gym because God I crazy a story, I’ll do spark notes version of that. But I was walking out of the gym, I see this woman in her car crying. I’m like I’m kind of judging. I’m like, ok, all right you, do you boo, got in the car, drove away. God said turn around. I did and I went and I walked up to her and I said, hey, this is weird. God told me to talk to you, are you OK? And she said no, I was just raped the other day and I just saw him in here and I was able to share my story with her and she came to know Jesus. So I was trembling the whole time, but that fear could have prevented me from sharing that and someone receiving Jesus. So don’t let the fear hold you back, because God is going to use your story. He’s going to plant people in your way that need to hear it. 
Jemese LaChel:
 26:58Amen, yes, they will. That is so beautiful and that is so him. I mean, he doesn’t waste anything. I just say that over and over he, he uses it all. He uses it all, even the most vile parts of your story, you know, the things that you think are just so hideous and vile. He uses it and it becomes this beautiful thing. 
Jamie Martinez:
 27:21Beautiful for ashes. 
Jemese LaChel:
 27:23It’s just incredible knowing him. Wow, we kind of touched on this, but I usually wrap up with what would you tell someone who, straight up, doesn’t know Jesus? 
Jamie Martinez:
 27:37Someone who doesn’t know Jesus. So I can tell you that he is love. And that’s kind of confusing, I know. But when you meet this Jesus, and when Jesus comes to meet you too, it’s the most overwhelming feeling of love that you will ever feel. And when you get into his presence, oh my gosh, it is indescribable. You can’t describe it. But if you don’t know Jesus, it’s time to get to know him, because he loves you. His thoughts towards you are more than every grain of sand on every seashore. This Jesus, the Savior of the world, loves you so much. And, if I can echo what the pastor said to me, if you’re struggling, jesus says that there’s a purpose for you, there’s a purpose for your heartbeat, there’s a reason why you go through the trials, there’s a reason for all of it. But you just say, god, I want to know you. If this is real, if you’re out there, hello, I want to know you. I want to know who you are and I need you because I can’t do this on my own. But God has loved Jesus’s love and he will show you that love so deeply. And you don’t have to be perfect to come to him. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to have your stuff together, the ducks don’t have to be in a row, they don’t even have to be in the same pond, okay, but God loves you just how you are, so you can come to him as you are right now. 
Jemese LaChel:
 29:34Amen, so true and so good. Thank you so much, jamie. Thank you for your transparency. I just appreciate that so much because you know these are the things that people are dealing with and they’re looking around and they’re like nobody’s talking about this stuff, yeah, so I appreciate your transparency and being willing to share your story today. Tell us how we can find you. If someone listening wants to connect with your work, where can we find you at? 
Jamie Martinez:
 30:06Absolutely so. Living Loved by Jamie. You can find me on any Instagram or Facebook or any social media that you enjoy Living Loved by Jamie and you can find my podcast Living Loved on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. 
Jemese LaChel:
 30:20Yes, and I will include all of those links in the show notes or wherever you are listening, yeah, so thank you so much, jamie. This has been such a blessing. 
Jamie Martinez:
 30:31Absolutely. Thank you so much. This is such an honor.